


that's no concern when we're wounded together

by piratekelly



Series: what a beautiful mess this is [7]
Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Angst Lite, Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Nightmares, danny pov
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-03
Updated: 2020-08-03
Packaged: 2021-03-05 19:15:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,369
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25680430
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/piratekelly/pseuds/piratekelly
Summary: Finding happiness doesn't mean Steve's many tragedies have forgotten him.
Relationships: Steve McGarrett/Danny "Danno" Williams
Series: what a beautiful mess this is [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/537928
Comments: 13
Kudos: 87





	that's no concern when we're wounded together

**Author's Note:**

> Unbeta'd like always. Title still from "Beautiful Mess" by Jason Mraz.

Steve’s thrashing wakes Danny out of a deep sleep.

It’s been a while since Steve’s had a nightmare that he couldn’t pull himself out of, but if Danny’s being honest he’d expected this one. Their most recent case had left Steve completely spent, too tired to shut his feelings away in their little boxes until he was better able to deal with them – or Danny made him deal, whichever came first – and those moments are usually when these types of nightmares happen.

Danny knows, after having shared Steve’s bed for long enough now, that Steve doesn’t have many of these dark, insidious nightmares anymore. Your average nightmare, yes, but in their line of work those are pretty unavoidable; those Steve can shake off fairly easily anymore, but when Steve gets pulled down deep into his memories like this it takes a lot to bring him out. It’s not enough to simply wake him up, to whisper reassurances that he’s here, he’s in bed, he’s with Danny and they’re both fine. It’s a delicate process to make sure that Steve comes up and out of it whole and not immediately send him into the throes of a panic attack. He likens it to something like sub drop – how he obtained that knowledge is not something he’s interested in disclosing – and he has to bring Steve up in stages in order for all the pieces to move back in place.

So when Steve’s jerky movements and panicked breathing wake Danny out of a deep sleep, he knows it’s bad, and that the next however long it takes is going to be dedicated to making Steve feel settled in his skin again.

Danny turns the bedside lamp on, knowing that the soft light will help Steve to orient himself even if he won’t be fully present for a few hours yet. He reaches out and rests a hand over the tattoo on Steve’s bicep, shushing him until Steve starts to calm bit by bit. Danny’s learned through the course of their relationship the things that help and the things that don’t, and waking him abruptly is first on the Do Not Do list. Steve being as calm as possible by the time he opens his eyes, blank as they are, is a critical first step.

There’s been a lot of trial and error in order for Danny to work out how best to coax Steve out of these dreams. He learned early on that restricting Steve’s body in any way is a bad move that has worse consequences, same for putting Steve in a cold shower to help him snap out of it. With all the times Steve’s been tortured those should have been givens but Danny had been scared shitless the first time he’d witnessed one of these and hadn’t had any idea what to do. When he’d asked Steve about it the next morning he hadn’t been much help. All Danny remembers is the way his heart broke when Steve said he really didn’t know what to tell him, because he’d always been alone when they happened.

Danny vowed to himself in that moment that Steve would never have to pull himself out of one of these nightmares again.

Steve slowly starts to come around, body relaxing under Danny’s gentle touch. His breathing starts to even out, the iron grip he had on his pillow gradually loosening until his knuckles are no longer white. Steve will open his eyes soon, will faintly register his surrounds as _home_ and _safe_ , but won’t utter a word. Danny knows he won’t respond anyway. Steve’s not really there when he first comes out of it, mind still trapped even if he’s mostly awake. Once Danny is sure that Steve is as present as he can be, he whispers that he’ll be right back. Steve doesn’t respond, but he rarely does this soon when it’s this bad.

He goes downstairs to the full bath that has the big bathtub and turns on the water, checks the temperature, and leaves it at a level that’s just shy of hot. Once upon a time, back when they’d first started this, Danny had thought it would be a good idea to take Steve out to the upstairs lanai so he could hear the ocean. He’d reasoned at the time that since the water was Steve’s safe place, the salty sea air would work to calm Steve’s nerves, that the sound of the waves crashing on the surf would help Steve remember where he was. Instead it had caused Steve to panic, sent his mind back to a mission gone horribly wrong, and it had taken the rest of the day to get him back to the present. Even then Steve hadn’t slept well for a few days after.

After that Danny had come up with the best compromise he had available to him, and it had become part of the routine after Steve had responded well the first time.

When he gets back to their room it’s to find Steve sitting on the edge of the bed, staring blankly at the wall. He makes sure to make enough noise to let Steve know he’s coming up behind him without startling him into a panic. When Danny is confident that Steve will move without fighting him, he gently grabs his hand and guides him down the stairs.

He’d turned all the lights on in the house so that Steve could have a clear line of sight to everything around him. It wasn’t the darkness itself that tended to set him off, but rather what the darkness had the potential to hide. Danny had seen the way Steve’s eyes scanned their surroundings every time he moved him around the house like this, so he’d made it a habit to light up the house as much as possible when time allowed.

They get to the bathroom and Danny reaches out to turn the water off before stripping Steve and then himself, shoving their pile of clothes into the corner to be picked up later. He settles Steve into the tub, leaving a little space at his back so that Danny can slide in behind him and gently pull him back to rest against Danny’s chest. He’d first thought of this when he realized a lot of Steve’s nightmares involved being cold for one reason or another, and what seemed like the obvious way to combat that was to give Steve a source of warmth. At least this way Steve could still have the water around him, but he would wake up warm and in a safe, controlled environment. It had worked for them so far, so he’d made it a permanent part of the routine.

Danny lightly runs his hands up and down Steve’s arms, his chest, feels the last of the tension leave Steve’s body, and Danny lets out a deep breath. Steve is at least aware enough now that he knows he’s safe and for that Danny just holds him close and listens as Steve’s breathing evens out again. It’s not deep enough that he’s in danger of going back to sleep, but it’s an indication that he’s beginning to settle into himself again.

When the water goes from comfortable to lukewarm Danny gently nudges Steve and murmurs that it’s time to get out. After drying them both off he reaches over to let the tub drain before guiding them back up the stairs, turning the lights off as they go. There’s a little more life in Steve’s eyes now, not quite present but not quite so haunted anymore either. Based on past experience Steve is about halfway to being his whole self again, the nightmare slowly losing its grip on him, and Danny allows himself to breathe a little easier.

Danny briefly entertains the idea of grabbing Steve a banana or something before they settle in for the second time that night, but food tends to be a hit or miss after a night like this. Sometimes Steve wakes up starving, and other times the idea of food obviously makes his stomach turn. Given how well Steve is doing right now he errs on the side of caution and decides to wait on food until breakfast.

He gets them both dressed, changes the sweat soaked sheets with an efficiency that would make Steve proud, and guides Steve to his side of the bed, pulling the sheet up to his waist. Danny pulls the blinds open just enough so that the moonlight shines through, and as he turns to get in bed he takes in the sight of Steve, curled up on his side and drenched in moonlight. Even as checked out as Steve is, he’s still one of the most beautiful things Danny’s ever seen. Danny has so much love in his heart for this man that most of the time he’s not sure what to do with it. He’s not sure what he did in a past life to deserve someone who loves so wholly and so deeply, who chooses to give him that gift every day, but he’s grateful for it anyway.

Danny turns off the bedside lamp before climbing in behind Steve, chest to back, one arm heavy across Steve’s waist. Steve tenses briefly, and Danny knows that’s the name of the game right now, so he waits until the tension drains from Steve’s shoulders once again before he lets himself settle fully against Steve’s body. He cards his fingers through the hair on Steve’s stomach, simply listening to Steve breathe as he settles into the mattress. He’s not sure how long that goes on before he feels Steve reach down and thread his fingers through Danny’s, another sign that he’s slowly but surely coming out of it.

They’ve reached the point where there’s only one thing Danny has left to do.

“You remember that morning I came over, that first time I went running with you?” he murmurs. “We’d been dancing around this for so long and it took everything I had in me not to kiss you the second you opened the door.”

For all that Steve bitches about Danny’s inability to shut up, he’d discovered that the sound of his voice seems to soothe Steve in moments like these. It could be that it’s familiar to Steve or that it’s turned into a form of white noise, but either way it seems to benefit Steve so he does it. Pair that with the fact that Steve is still, occasionally, uncomfortable with how open Danny is with his feelings, he likes to take these moments to remind Steve that no matter what he’s done or who he’s had to be, he’s earned every ounce of happiness he possesses.

“You looked so happy. I’d never seen you smile like that before, big and bright and _open_. I could read every little emotion on your face, even the ones you try so hard to hide away, and I knew I’d made the right choice showing up that day.”

“It might come as a shock to you, but I don’t know if there are words to describe how much I love you for that,” he confesses. “I used to think that if I loved Rachel even half as much as I love you then maybe things would have worked out, but you bring this out in me. It’s _you_ , Steve. I didn’t think I could feel this way about anyone, and I was right. It could only ever have been you.”

“And shit, Steve, the way you love my children…I’ve seen biological parents less dedicated to parenting than you are. You were made to be a father, babe. Charlie, Grace, even Nahele, they’re all so lucky that you carry them in your big, bleeding heart. The fact that I get to take up even a little bit of that space,” he sighs, burying his nose in Steve’s hair. “There’s no greater privilege than that.”

“I think about how we got here a lot: the first time I reached for your hand, the first time you kissed me, all the little things in between that let me know you’d really been paying attention all this time. You’ve given so much of yourself and taken so little in return, and the fact that you trust me with the littlest, most secret parts of you never fails to leave me breathless.”

Steve’s breathing is deepening, and Danny knows he’ll soon be asleep. “You gave me the family I thought I’d lost. But more importantly, Steve, you rebuilt the family you _did_ lose. You brought ex-cons and cops and troubled kids together and built something beautiful from it. You’ve brought peace and shown empathy to victims and their families and I wish you knew how special that was.”

“I know that life has not always been fair to you,” he says, pressing a soft kiss to the skin behind Steve’s ear. “But you’ve paid enough. This, us, the kids and the house and our little found family, these things are real. They’re _yours_. I’ll remind you of that every day if I have to, because I’m always going to be here.”

He can feel Steve slip into what he knows will be a light sleep. He’ll wake up tired in the morning but the shadows will be gone from his eyes even when the emotional toll still weighs him down. Steve will come back to himself, and they’ll get through another day.

Danny whispers one last _love you_ before following Steve into sleep.

\--

When he wakes up the next morning it’s to Steve curled up under his chin, face buried in Danny’s chest. Steve's arm is thrown over Danny's waist, their legs are tangled together under the sheets, and Danny hums contently. The day is already starting better than he'd anticipated. He feels more than hears Steve’s whispered _love you_ , and Danny kisses the top of his head in response. Steve's not the most verbose person when it comes to his feelings, even on a good day, so Danny cherishes every time those words pass Steve's lips.

Danny pulls Steve closer, smiling to himself as he closes his eyes.

**Author's Note:**

> There will likely be just two more parts of this 'verse. I'm running out of lyrics! A few people requested a piece for Danny and Catherine's conversation from part 6. Then, at last, the final installment.
> 
> As always, comments are loved. I really do love hearing what you guys love about this 'verse.


End file.
